Back from vacation with new energy and same old doubt

Myrtle-beachIt is good to take a break. And it’s even better (I tell myself) to come back with rejuvenated love for the book you’re writing or any work that you might be doing. Is it that vacations remind one that life is not too bad? That home is actually quite a relaxing, sweet place?

I came back from this week-long Myrtle Beach vacation and I’m feeling like I know what I’m supposed to do, all of a sudden. Like the fog has lifted. I know it will descend again, but I am enjoying this sudden burst of clarity. I am using it to work on the book and actually hope to get some points of messed up plot and development fixed. We’ll see. The truth is that even before the vacation I felt a surge of determination to work harder on this book now that the baby has grown a bit and should allow me some more time off food-and-diaper duty (and now also holding up on his feet a baby who doesn’t yet crawl or walk but badly wants to feel like everyone else around him and see the world from standing-up, because the world does look more manageable when you look at it from that vantage point).

I am still uncertain of what will become of this book even at this point in time when it is basically written and needs only edits. Self-doubt will never stop, and it will very possibly always stand in the way of any sort of success I might dream of when it comes to my writing. Even a nice long vacation would not change that.